About

I'm heavily addicted to pistachios, and I control all things yellow. When I feel like it, I can levitate. Look out! I'll poplockanddropit when you don't want me to.

I fought in the Crimean War and I'm not a pathological liar. I am the first person to be awarded the Nobel Prize in Literature whilst in utero. I declined the award when I was born in 1982 (beat that you googly eyed French bastard!).

With only the aid of a shoehorn, I can defend our nation's borders. I can throw a banana and have it come back to me like a boomerang. Yesterday, I bungee jumped with a parachute and made the process look damn sexy.

When prompted, I will check myself before I wreck myself (but only if prompted).

I fell down the stairs and broke the stairs. That'll teach 'em.

Are you still reading this?